Technically Speaking

Technically Speaking...

So, I’m at dinner with a friend when she tells me her latest romance which lasted approximately 3 months is over. No big deal really, they hadn’t dated very long and it was one of those “trying to fit a circle peg into a square hole” kinda’ things. So it wasn’t that big of a surprise. But what made me get my pretty pink Victoria’s in a wad was the way he had called it quits…by text. I almost up-chucked my artichoke right there in front of our friendly server Tanisha. My friend was worth being broken up with in person. Seriously…what is going on these days?

How is it that with all the “advancements” we’ve had over the past few decades it seems as though there’s been a decline in communication skills and a rise in divorce rate? Couples come home after work and jump on the computer before they even embrace after being apart all day. One half of the couple stays up late at night on the computer when they could be doing a job in the bedroom that’s a hell of a lot more fun than any tapping of the keys might be. And unfortunately men and women sometimes find out about infidelity via some sort of technology (email, dating sites, etc.).

Even dating is becoming some sort of a technology joke. My friend Anna said she was on a date just last week where the guy was sending “work texts” via his phone all night. Then a mutual friend called him and wanted to speak to her. While on the phone, the message alert sounded and a text message revealed that he’d been texting not just another woman…but multiple women sexy and erotic text messages while with her. What in the name of Verizon is going on?Has dating, like our daily lives become just one big multi-tasking activity? I’m not trying to sound like my baby-boomer mom here but “my, my, how times have changed”.

I don’t have kids…but I have friends that do. I have to say, I don’t know how you guys do it. My hat’s off to you my friends in trying to preserve their youth past age 5. And although I am not a mother, I do have some more time left on this planet and I’m a little worried about the future.
I remember how in middle school the phone would ring and I’d scurry off to my bedroom to get some privacy just to talk to my best friend about how scary the new “Thriller” tape is or how I was going through a bottle of hairspray every week. Now a parent has to worry about internet porn or threat of sleazy online predators to keep them busy. Think about it, kids can literally be brainwashed by a stranger without even leaving their home. Scary.

My friend Sara is a teacher in a local middle school who says you can hear a pin drop in her homeroom. Do you remember homeroom? Mine was so loud the teacher had to get us quiet so we could hear the morning announcements. Kids were throwing paper or talking about anything and everything. Now, my friend says she walks in and they are all looking down texting, playing games, or sitting there listening to their I-pods. They even text the friend beside them instead of talking. Granted I know it’s quieter for the teachers, but Jesus on ice skates, kids need to learn communication skills! What's gonna happen in the coming years when their spouse does something that hurts their feelings...text they want a divorce because that would be easier than actually trying to work things out face to face? Or maybe find out by a status change on Face Book?

Please know that I do love the advancements in technology. They have enhanced my everyday life and I tip my hat to Bill Gates every time I get an email from a close friend. And from a business perspective it quite simply ROCKS! I just really think that some of us are taking it a little too far…using it for an escape almost for what lies beyond our front doors, because with technology you control the environment...out there it’s a different story. It also makes it easier to escape a situation that we’re too chicken to face, an excuse for not being honest, and at times allows us to just show a lack of integrity.

This is life people…it’s all about balance. Post your status, check your email, Tweet your favorite twit, buy some stuff, and then…look at that person sitting across from you. That’s really what life is about...N BTW, u may hv so mch fun u find urself LOLing n no time...

XOXO Kris

"Accountability breeds response-ability."

~Stephen R. Covey

So, on a recent Sunday morning, I rolled out of bed, grabbed my coffee and planted my butt on my throne (the couch) and picked up my scepter (the remote) . In flipping through a lot of crappy programming, I hear the voice of a spiritual speaker that I’m not particularly a fan of say “think about what accountability means”. My channel changing finger became as stiff as his freshly hair-sprayed bouffant…I couldn’t help but listen.

Now, he was talking about being accountable to God, and if I’d been sitting in his Atlanta sanctuary, I might have raised my hands and shouted a hefty “Amen” as many southerners do on a Sunday afternoon. But instead, I hadn’t even brushed my teeth and was having one hell of an epiphany right there in my fave PJs. So, as I nursed my iced latte and watched them flash the preacher’s “giving hotline number” across the screen, I couldn’t help but think about how much better the world would actually be if we were all accountable.

Being accountable creates integrity. Think about it. Your other half calls and says they want to meet for dinner. You agree, but instead, you go out with your friends without a call, email, text, or any other impersonal way we have to communicate these days. You weren’t accountable. And do you know the price you pay? You’re now responsible that your other half is justifiably hurt. Not just because of what you did, but the disappointment they are feeling. You see he/she trusted that you would be accountable. You let them down. Your integrity points are crashin’ and burnin’ at this point.

Think about the benefits of being accountable….Being accountable helps put you in the position for great things in your career. If you’re accountable to your clients you’ll retain the business or get repeat business. Being where you say you’ll be at the time you say you will is just an example. But when you do this you are showing your clients that they can depend on you. When you do these things--which is inadvertently being accountable to your company—you will be recognized for your efforts…and if you’re consistent in those efforts, the money-or however you measure success- will come.

And by all means be accountable to you. Many are in unfavorable financial situations right now because they lived beyond their means and are having to suffer those repercussions because they weren’t accountable to themselves. Some are in a relationship that is just nipping away at their self-esteem. If you wouldn’t want your best friend to stay in that unhealthy place…why are you? Others are battling within because they went against the grain of what they hold true to their heart, and now having to go through inner turmoil that could have been avoided.
It may be the easy way out to try to avoid accountability on any level, but in the end the consequences that come from doing that…well that’s not so easy.

Here’s wishing you an accountable life :-) XOXO Kris

I'm baaaaackkkk!!!

So it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. You guys deserve an explanation. The truth is that I hit a couple of pretty big bumps in my life. You know, those moments in your life where you look in the mirror and say “wow, how in the hell did I get here?”.

I’m still sorting things out and discovering there’s really a lot of truth to that whole whatever doesn’t kill ya, makes ya stronger thing. The one thing I can tell you is that I don’t wanna get back to the person I was…I wanna make her stronger, healthier, and happier than she’s ever been-not place her back to square one.

The best way for me to get to that place is to get back to blogging. Honestly, the best I have felt during these past few months is when I would get an email or Face Book message saying you guys wanna see more stuff. I bet you had no idea huh? There were days where I would literally want to just crawl in a hole and then I’d open my email and a big smile would stretch across my face…because of you guys. Thank you. Just goes to show you that sometimes you never know the weight of the words you put out there.

So with that being said, grab your wine, chocolate, latte, or whatever your vice may be—we all have one by the way—and let’s get started solving the world’s problems, shall we?
XOXO
Kris

Let Your Haters be Your Motivators....

"There is a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women." ~Madeleine Albright

If Madeleine were here I’d give her a pat on the ass for that one. I try to always make this blog a forum to get us to join forces and celebrate being women, but we have to face the facts. Some women are just buggars. When I look back at history and how long it’s taken us to get to where we are today it makes me madder than a hornet that any woman would even fathom destroying what another has worked so hard for. We are now equals in the household and can(if we choose to) be the bread winner of the family. But still, every day these self-centered hussies are just chomping at the bit to destroy anything from another woman’s marriage to her career.

It’s almost like these women can’t count their own blessings and be happy and content with what they have(a loving family,friends, children, job, their health) . They must either destroy or have what another woman has. You see, this makes them feel in control of a life that they can’t control...their own. If they can destroy or harm you, they have at least controlled that situation, and not had to examine what’s really going on in their own life.

The whole time they are so worried about getting what they don’t have, their own life begins to unravel. My grandmother used to always say that some people spend so much time worrying about their neighbor’s grass on the other side, that their own yard ends up looking like crap(she always had a way with words ;-) ).

So, what do you do about these women? Forgive them and pray for them….seriously. No matter what they’ve done to you. If you can’t do it on your own, then consult a higher power. I don’t care if that’s God, Buddha, Mohamed, Jehovah, Krishna or the Huffy bike in your garage that you worship daily. Pray, meditate or do whatever you can to get that ugly stuff out of your heart because it will hold you back.
And let’s be honest, you’re on the road to greatness. Don’t let one Bitter Betty stand in your way!
And by the way….the best revenge is living well. So do it ;-)
XOXO
Kris

The economy is no reason not to give...

First off, this is not a political protest. It's a people protest. I'm an American girl and love this country. I pray every night for the lives of those fighting in the war(on both sides) whether I agree with it or not. BUT I'm tired of us forgetting what's important.

I hear it EVERYWHERE...the economy sucks. I totally agree with that. But in true Kris Bush fashion and passion, I've got something to say about how we're handling the situation.

Come on boys and girls. Let's get out of our SUVs and cute little gas guzzlers(which started depreciating the second we drove them off the lot) and look past our own windshields. Did you know every 3 SECONDS a child in Africa dies due to various health issues because they have a virtually invisible economy? I'm not asking for you to agree with me on this or pull out your check book , but just to think about it. We complain about gas prices to fill up our vehicles when there are people in this world that just want their child, mother, father,sister, brother to just LIVE and can't even imagine having ANY kind of transportation.

Now, if you're reading this and have something against comparing our country to other countries...that's ok too. Let's talk about what a ME focused country and society we've become. What's your credit card debt look like? If you have none, give yourself a celebratory pat on the ass...because you ROCK!

If you are like the millions of us who do have some debt think about this: You bought something with money you don't have, but thought you may have money later on to pay for it all. Think about how crazy that sounds. And no matter how we slice it, we didn't spend it on others. Now if you're saying "I bought it for so and so" you still bought it to portray an image you can't pay for. In essence, you wrote a check your butt couldn't cash. What happened to people liking others for who they are and not just what they have or any other material presence. Seriously. Yes ladies, I love my cute shoes. I love my handbags even more...but I just feel we need to take a moment and decipher between WANTS and NEEDS.

Before my grandmother passed, she told me stories about the Depression. She said women couldn't afford pantyhose then, so they would take a piece of coal and draw a line up the back of their bare legs to give the appearance that they were wearing seamed hosiery. And they couldn't afford make up, so they'd pinch their cheeks to get some color and suck on lemons to make their lips red. Oh, and as far as food went? Yeah, they would eat meat only on Sundays, because they couldn't afford it the other days of the week. But just because things were bad for them, they didn't forget about others outside their home.

People during the Depression tried the best they could to help each other out. If they had kids that had out grown shoes and the neighbor kid needed new shoes, the neighbor kid got them. You can always give SOMETHING to those less fortunate...

Don't believe me? Did you eat a meal out this week(coffee, lunch, dinner)? Did you buy ANYTHING that you didn't need in order to physically live(wine, beer, cigarettes, chocolate,manicure, pedicure,waxing) or maybe something you could have down-graded(you super-sized anything, bought a 20 oz anything when 8 oz would have been just fine). Or maybe you cooked too much and the left overs spoiled in the fridge... there are people (yes even in America)who would fight for that food. Some don't even know what it's like to have enough food to give to the family dog, and they certainly can't imagine throwing food away.

Ok, let's say you're flat broke. If you are reading this, you're evidently breathing and that's verification to me you have a heart, so use it. There are plenty of local organizations that would value your time probably even more than ANY amount of money. When you give, something happens in your heart that no amount of money can replace. Believe me, I've scooped a ton of kitty litter for abused and battered cats and walked many miles for the Alzheimer's foundation for no pay and loved doing that more than any job I've ever had. Now, for all of you who are still resisting and doing your taxes right now, let me remind you that certain donations are also tax deductible... all the more reason to volunteer.

I think in these times we've got 2 choices. We can be a ME nation or a WE nation. And I've got faith in us...

XOXO
Kris

Forgive... but don't forget.

Ok, before I start getting more hateful comments than Jessica Simpson did for going from a size 0 to a size 2, let me make myself abundantly clear about the "not forgetting" part. I believe in forgiveness more than I did the tooth fairy at age 3, but I don't believe we should forget how we felt before we forgave another OR how it feels to be really forgiven... for instance:

I adore a man that hurt me to the core. As a matter of fact, the days that followed after we parted will go down in Kris Bush history as one of the most difficult periods of my life. As my dear friend Emily put it-- I "felt as though I'd been raked over the coals on this one." For months there was no communication between us except for me gathering all his belongings he'd left in my condo and then dumping them on his front porch. Oh, and there were nights where I'd had an adult beverage and texted him horrible things. Ok, let's be real... some of those times I was as sober as an Alabama judge and was just full of piss and vinegar. Let me tell ya, "unforgiving" is an ugly color on me.

Now, he had every opportunity to be ugly back, but didn't. Not that he had the right to. After all, I was the one hurt. I was the one wronged. Can we say "Pity... party of one. Your table's ready." I still haven't totally forgiven him. But I'm definitely working on it. My want to let it go gets stronger day by beautiful day. Especially since the more I forgive, the better I feel ( as I'm sure he does as well :-) ). I don't wanna forget what happened and how I felt before I started forgiving. I want to remember I'm making progress in a situation. I get really excited now when I can just let stuff go, look back and realize the bigger picture and move forward. I am continually amazed by how much we as humans don't challenge ourselves to let go of the stuff that holds us back, sometimes for decades.

Oh, and how frigging good does it feel to be the one forgiven? Case in point:

A friend of mine had asked that I go into a joint venture while going through the above situation. Now, did I hope that I could do everything I'd promised. Of course. But the key word here is "hope". I didn't know that I could. So, with that being said I fell short of our agreement. Yep, me. I had wronged a friend. Talk about feeling like a jackass.

Did I apologize? Absolutely. And did she hold it against me? Absolutely, and with every right. She had to process it all. And, like the guy above, I had to realize it was my fault. I had put myself in that situation. Since then, we've talked over things and all is good in our world. Thank God! I really couldn't live with this girl being mad at me. I love her and the last thing I want is for something that's not gonna matter on our deathbeds to prevent us from having a continued friendship.

Sometimes you just gotta let things settle and not make rash decisions you'll end up regretting. You know... those crazy wagers we do in our heads like "I'll NEVER forgive/let go of this" in an attempt to make the other person "pay for it" . You know who ends up cashing that check? Yep, you. You carry around that crap long enough it will make you sick. Literally. Which brings me to the final and hardest person to forgive... yourself.

All I have to say about how to forgive yourself for making not-so-smart decisions is they have been made. Stop making yourself suffer. Sometimes it's an action, like making a promise you just can't keep. Other times it's no action, like instead of leaving you stay and end up hurt. And sometimes the things you hold yourself responsible for aren't even your fault. No matter the situation, one thing is true about the past... it's done. And when you forgive yourself you reap the benefits of both forgiving and being the forgiven... now that... well, it's divine.

Be good to you. Let it go.

XOXO

Kris

Let's Get Real...Men aren't the enemy.

Let's Get Real...Men aren't the enemy.

It seems like after the holidays my friends that didn't get that ring they desired have their family and other friends saying things like "I can't believe he didn't ask her to marry him after everything she put up with". That really bothers me. What you're about to hear is not the sound of your biological clock tick, but rather some thought provoking ideas I have.

If a man disrespects you, it's only his fault the first time. But the second, third and fourth--well, that's just your own fault. Is that too harsh? I hope not. Come on ladies, let's put on our big girl panties and talk candidly.

Yes, it's true that love makes you do crazy things like continually go back to a bad situation. Believe me, I've done it...and I don't want to ever do it again. I just hate hearing it's the guy's fault that she "puts up with" less than desirable behavior in her most intimate relationship.

Think about it. What does it say about how we feel about us when we allow ourselves to be treated in a way that is disrespectful...over and over and over? It says we're not where we need to be to accept love in the first place. Come on, we hear it all the time. We need to first love who(besides your creator)?? OURSELVES. So I'm just asking all you beautiful, strong, smart women to take an honest look at who you are and what work needs to be done on your end...and DO IT because you deserve it. There is one constant in every relationship you have...YOU. Instead of always pointing the finger, how about seeing what you could do better? Maybe it's your choice in men(their lifestyle,etc). What does that say about you? Do the research on YOU.

Let's be clear, I know some people(not just men) are menaces to society and to the relationship. I just think that the only true thing we can change in current and future relationships is how WE act and react to situations.

Now, this doesn't mean I think you need to drop a guy you're with to "find yourself" because he put the toilet paper roll on the wrong way. If you're picking on your mate for things like that, you just need to get over yourself. Maybe next time you're feeling hurt(hold on, this is stellar advice) tell him it hurt your feelings--Wow, ground breaking huh?I simply believe in telling people how you feel. Especially your mate, and in a loving way. A negative attitude will only result in a negative reaction..and by the way, you love this man. Treat him with respect. If it continues, again remember you can only make change in yourself. For others, it's up to them.

You teach people how to treat you. Be a good teacher.

XOXO

Kris